Try as you might to make it work, sometimes you’re better as friends instead of as a couple.
An enormous amount of love life suffering is due to couples trying to force themselves into the traditional relationship mold. Below are 10 examples of when you might be better off as friends and, or in a non-traditional relationship.
1) You live in different countries. Thanks to Internet dating, long distance “relationships” are common. With modern technology, two people can now chat across the globe and “see” each other daily. But don’t fool yourself. if you’ve never met face-to-face, this is not yet a real relationship. And when you realize how difficult it is to live and work in a different country, not to mention how you won’t know if you’re really compatible until you spend months together in the same city, dating locals becomes much more appealing. Just be friends rather than torturing yourself by trying to have a “relationship” with someone who lives far away.
2) Not enough sexual chemistry. It’s either there, or it isn’t. If it’s not, it’s not going to develop and you’ll just waste his time by giving in because he’s nice. If the sexual chemistry was there and now it’s gone, sometimes you can reignite it if both of you want to. Otherwise it’s a lost cause. If you don’t mind a sexless relationship, fine, but if you’re under 90 years-old you might want to consider why and if you’re being honest with yourself. Don’t even get me started on the closet case cowards who knowingly use and deceive the opposite sex to appear straight, or the gold-diggers who fake an attraction.
3) Bad connection. For some reason, you bring out the worst in each other. Some couples are just not good together, even as friends, no matter how much they “compromise” or try to “make it work.” You can try to ignore it but eventually you’ll have to face it. A good personality analyst who uses a comprehensive approach can determine how good or bad a connection is (beyond the lust and romantic illusion) between you and another person.
4) You are coworkers. Unless you value the relationship more than the job or it wouldn’t be awkward or cause you problems if you broke up, dating a coworker is a bad idea.
5) He has a cheating past and you insist upon strict monogamy. If she’s cheated before, she’s more likely to do it again. Don’t expect him to be monogamous, even if he says that’s what he wants with you.
6) She’s between the ages of 18 and 26 or so, and you’re at least 10 years older. People tend to grow a lot in their 20s and 30s. Unless you both do so at the same rate and in similar ways, and you probably won’t, she will eventually grow up and leave you. Or she’ll stay stuck, which wouldn’t be healthy for either of you. Enjoy the connection, just don’t expect it to be “forever.”
7) You’re both under the age of 27 or so. See number six. Even if you’re in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together, you don’t know how your needs and desires will change in ten or twenty years, or if his will match yours then. Just cherish your time together and don’t worry about trying to make it “permanent” yet.
8) She is way out of your league. A one-sided attraction won’t hold up for long. Don’t spend too much time pursuing someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you.
9) Afraid to be alone. Loneliness isn’t a good enough reason to jump into a relationship. Learn to like being single and you’ll become more appealing and be better at avoiding the bad apples.
10) You can’t bring yourself to throw away all the time you’ve spent trying to make it work. Even though the length of relationships is oddly important in our society, this is a terrible reason to remain in an unhappy relationship. Don’t waste any more time if you know it’s not working.
Everyone wants to be loved, and it’s tempting to want to pair off when you finally meet someone. But not every person you date is meant to be forever. There are other options besides a traditional relationship. Sometimes it’s better to be just friends, if appropriate, instead of as a couple, assuming you both can handle the transition.
Copyright © 2014 Stephen Petullo
photo credit: AndyMcLemore via photopin cc
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