20 years ago I started one of the first gay, lesbian. bisexual, and transgender matchmaking services for relationships. This was before the Internet became popular, and we met with and interviewed all members in-person.
I met many wonderful people during that time, but I also encountered a lot of resistance. I received hate mail and calls and lectures about how I was sinning and contributing to the sins of others. I kept mace in my desk drawer at the office, but never had to use it. Some publications didn’t allow me to advertise with them, either telling me that directly or by refusing to return my calls. When we advertised on the sides of city buses, a local TV news station did a story on it. But instead of interviewing my employees or me, or discussing the benefits of a matchmaking service for non-heteros, they conducted a poll about whether or not my business should be allowed to advertise on buses. Most people who called in voted no. By the way, the ad was tastefully done and included two men, fully dressed, sitting next to each other (the transit company told us they could not be touching).
My straight twin brother supported me and my business 100%. As a result, some colleagues and mutual friends shunned him. I now believe that was a karmic test for him, which he passed with flying colors. I also believe that part of my karma this time is to live my life as I am instead of who I am “supposed” to be, and to stand up for what I believe in.
At the time, many heterosexuals didn’t know any non-hetero couples and their knowledge of “that lifestyle” was limited to the very few gay characters on TV or in movies, who were usually demented or overly flamboyant. One of my goals with the business, which I think I accomplished, was to help change the public perception of gay relationships. Having worked for a straight matchmaking service before starting my company, I found that matching non-hetero people was essentially the same. Non-hetero singles and couples want the same things as hetero singles and couples.
I remember thinking many times that the business of matching non-hetero people would be easier if they were allowed to marry. I was very idealistic about relationships in the beginning. After interviewing and matching 1000s, my perception and opinions about relationships and marriage changed quite a bit. I still believe everyone should be allowed to marry and receive the same legal benefits, but now I don’t think traditional marriage is the best option for most couples, non-hetero or hetero, especially younger ones.
20 years from now I look forward to telling younger people about how things were years ago and how the general public slowly learned to be more accepting of non-heteros. I’m sure they will be as surprised as I have been when hearing stories from much older non-hetero people about what it was like for them 30 or 50 or more years ago.
Here’s a column we wrote nine years ago about gay marriage and karma: http://www.holisticmakeover.com/March6th2004.htm
Copyright © 2013 Stephen Petullo
