Ignore this and it will destroy your love life. You didn’t intend to hurt yourself or anyone else, but that’s what will happen when you give more importance to what society or a partner expects of you, than to this.
What is it? What you crave. What you really want.
If you crave what society expects of you (a traditional, strictly monogamous, life-long, heterosexual marriage with someone who craves the same with you), you are fortunate (and rare).
If you crave something different, trying to act a different role will lead to disaster.
As Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha write in Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What it Means for Modern Relationships, “We can control our behavior, but urges and impulses can’t be ignored. As German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer noted, Mensch kann tun was er will; er kann aber nicht wollen was er will. (One can choose what to do, but not what to want.) ”
Below are some examples of how ignoring what you really want will destroy your love life.
Don’t promise life-long monogamy if it’s not what you really want. How do you know if it’s what you really want? Based on my experience as a matchmaker and with love life makeovers, I’ve found that many people under the age of 30 aren’t yet aware of what really works for them, especially if they don’t have a lot of dating experience.
This means you’re better off not expecting anyone under the age of 30 to be strictly monogamous for the rest of their lives.
This is especially true if the person has a high sex drive and, or is simply not the long-term, strictly monogamous type. Would you rather keep him in a cage that only you have the key to, let him become increasingly depressed, and have him turn to food, TV, gambling or booze as an alternative? I hope not. Controlling someone isn’t love.
Don’t let anyone pressure you into marriage, or use the “fear of commitment” excuse to manipulate you into their marriage agenda if you’re not ready for it or if traditional marriage isn’t for you. Marriage is no longer required to survive and thrive in most parts of the world and it certainly isn’t fitting for everyone.
Don’t agree to a relationship with someone when you want someone else. You won’t be doing him any favors if you “settle down” with him when you’re still in love with someone else. You’re better off staying single or being honest with any new possibilities. But before you even think of dating again, you need to let go of anyone who is not available or interested. There’s no point in hanging onto the past. It will only hurt you and waste other people’s time.
Don’t date or marry the opposite gender if you’re only attracted to the same gender. Thankfully, this is becoming less and less common in the USA, but it’s still widespread in other parts of the world. In many countries gay people are jailed or executed for being out. Still, marrying the opposite gender, without telling them your secret, is unfair to her and you’ll create a miserable existence for yourself, in addition to negative karma.
If you deny what you want, eventually it will surface and cause problems. Be true to yourself and others or risk destroying your love life.
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Copyright © 2014 Stephen Petullo
photo credit: x-ray delta one via photopin cc
