Before writing a message to that hottie online who lives 3000 miles away, you might want to consider the pros and cons of a long distance relationship. Thanks to the Internet and modern technology, they’re more popular than ever, with unique challenges and benefits.
Pros:
1) You have plenty of alone time, freedom and space.
2) You get to see each other at your best, if and when you finally meet in person.
3) You can date other people (recommended if you’ve never met face-to-face or spent at least a few months together in the same city).
4) Sometimes the romantic illusion between two people is better than the reality of their connection; distance fosters and maintains that illusion.
5) Absence and distance makes the heart grow fonder.
6) Sex can be better when you finally do get to see each other; anticipation makes the lust intensify.
Cons:
1) Transportation costs to visit each other can be expensive.
2) It’s difficult to relocate permanently and thrive socially and fiscally in a foreign country. Even a move to a different state can be challenging, unless you are fortunate enough to secure employment before moving and, or have plenty of savings to make the transition easier.
3) The excessive amount of alone time can be a problem for those who don’t like solitude.
4) You’re not there for each other at your worst so you don’t see the negatives until it’s too late.
5) Monogamy can feel like torture when he lives so far away.
6) The romantic illusion is greatly intensified if you’ve never met in-person, or if you spend long periods of time apart. In other words, it’s easy to get carried away with romantic fantasies and hopes and much harder to see each other and the relationship realistically.
7) Absence or distance can make the feelings fade, especially when the connection is based more on illusion than compatibility.
So what should you do if you find yourself in this difficult situation?
The die-hard romantics are not going to like this suggestion, but you must remain practical and think with your brain instead of your heart. If you’ve never met, agree to remain only online friends, and nothing more, until you meet in-person (if you ever do). Whenever you stray from this agreement, and you will, remind each other that it’s impossible to know if you’re even compatible until you spend a lot of time together in the same city.
If you started a relationship in the same city but now you’re apart, your best course of action depends upon the situation.
Here’s a rule of thumb: If it’s meant to be, it will unfold fairly easily and naturally without too much stress.
Did you meet on vacation, move away for a job opportunity, or reconnect after years part? If one of you is willing to relocate and can find employment fairly easily, without leaving kids or other responsibilities behind, then you might be able to make it work. But before you do that, you must spend a lot of time together to make sure you’re compatible enough, with no doubts.
Have you just graduated high school and now you’re both going to different schools? Don’t torture yourselves by attempting a traditional relationship. You’ll just add a lot of unnecessary stress to your life and eventually regret missing out on the fun you could have had in your college days.
What if a long distance relationship proves to be too stressful? This is usually because people try to have all (a traditional relationship) or nothing (break up and cut off contact). There are other options. Every person you meet is for a different purpose and lesson(s), and it’s usually not just romance. Just be friends and support each other on your journeys.
There are many pros and cons of long distance relationships, and though they can work for some people, sometimes you’re better off just being friends and dating locals instead.
Copyright © 2014 Stephen Petullo
photo credit: U.S. Army Korea (Historical Image Archive) via photopin cc
