A promise or purity ring is a symbol of a promise made between a person and God to remain “pure,” or celibate, until marriage.This is a bad idea for many reasons:
1) “Pure” sends the message that sex is bad, wrong, or dirty, which encourages sexual shame. Sex is none of these things if it’s practiced responsibly, honesty, and safely. Parents need to teach this to their kids and set a reasonable example of it as well.
2) Purity rings encourage sexual suppression. Sexual suppression can lead to sexual perversion.
3) Purity rings encourage romantic illusions, such as “together forever” and “The ONE,” which usually just lead to unrealistic expectations and heartache, especially for teens and young adults.
4) Purity rings encourage people to get married too young. It’s wise to wait until at least 30 to commit to the legally-binding, life-long agreement called marriage and let’s face it, waiting to have sex until you’re 30 years old is just not realistic.
5) Would you agree not to test drive a car before buying it? Since a good sexual and physical connection is an important part of a strong relationship, and you need to have sex with a person to determine this, waiting to have sex until after signing a marriage contract is a bad idea.
6) Purity rings, unless they are accompanied by a chastity belt, don’t prepare teens or young adults for situations when they may fall off the wagon. Pretending that sex isn’t going to happen is naïve.
7) Purity rings are not life preservers. Condoms are; they protect dreams and goals and help to avoid STDs. Buy your teens condoms instead, and remind them often to use them.
8) Not surprisingly, a 2008 study cited in The Washington Post provided statistics stating that “…teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do.”
Read the entire article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/12/28/AR2008122801588.html
Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Petullo
17 Responses
Any idea on the history of purity rings?
I completely disagree with this article. I believe that Purity rings are an expression of sincere love and positive feelings. I don’t know anything about the history of the purity rings, but for me they are awesome!!! Boo!! to this article!!!
Thank you for your help!
great post as usual!
I’ve been searching the Internet for exactly what you’ve posted.
I didn’t quite get the point this when I first read it. But when I checked it out a second time, it all started to make sense. Thanks for the idea. Absolutely something to think about.
Waugh. Great blog. Found it by accident when I search for life birth. But belive me, I´ll come back to this great blog
This article disgusts me!! I can’t believe you think parents should give their children condoms instead of a purity ring, this ring symbolizes the commitment between them and God, and well if they break their commitment then that’s their own buisness but I have a purity ring and I do commit to not have sex until I get married, and I strongly disagree with the statement “don’t make this commitment until you’re 30′!?!?!? What in the world, I have seen plenty of marriages last when the couple got married in their 20s and they were virgins when they got married. As long as God is first in their marriage then their marriage will make it through anything, and I think that if a couple don’t have sex or live together before they’re married that helps a marriage. And the statement, “You should have sex before marriage to make sure you like it.” I can’t believe anyone would say that!? If you love that person, sex shouldn’t matter, and plus if you haven’t ever had sex, how would you know that it’s bad!?
This article is excellent! Great points raised in this debate. Have been concerned with some other arguments especially the term “Daddy Rings”. Now thats just creepy.I’d be disturbed if my husband got my daughter something called THAT.
As for the “try before you buy” i mean maybe badly stated but i get where You are coming from. It is a corner stone in a relationship and helps create a bond. How can You marry without knowing that bond exists.
Why should belief in God honestly dictate a human urge? I mean in the end we are all mammals with biological impulses and urges which are completely natural.
As for the person who said if You never had sex you would know if its bad, you know. An awkward, demanding or harsh lover is NOT something You want to be stuck with “before God.” As if God should even be considered in an act that holds the potential to shape someones personality. I mean its not as if Gods come and give the poor soul some therapy.
And if God comes first in the marriage….is that not a kind of cheating? Like internet sex or thinking of someone else during?
You have completely taken the glorious, most beautiful gift (besides Christ) that God has given to his children and diminished it to a lustful, selfish act of self pleasure! Sex was designed to draw two people together and make them one. It is disastrous to any relationship without that commitment and also complicates any future relationship that you do choose to commit the rest of your life to. My children will know how to have safe sex because we as men are all sinners and fall short of God’s glory, but you better believe that because of God’s and my great love for them and our desire for them to have the best life possible, they will be taught and encouraged to remain pure. And if they choose to wear a purity ring to display and remember their commitment to their future spouse and God, it will be because they understand how precious that gift is when used in the right way at the right time.
“A widow, or a divorced woman, or a woman who has been defiled, or a prostitute, these he shall not marry. But he shall take as his wife a virgin of his own people,” Lev. 21:14
We must be virgins to lawfully marry. Purity rings are merely an outward statement of what the Bible commands us o do anyway.
People who give away there purity end up feeling worthless, it’s harsh but I know from some of my friends and how they feel now. If you trust God you shouldn’t be searching for the person He has chosen for you, you should wait for him/her.
Just like God made Eve for Adam He HAS specifically chosen one person for you. This is you’re partner, and it will not be easy but God has prohibited divorce unless on terms of adultery. (Mark 10: 2-9)
I know several people who kept there purity until they got married, and guess what? They are either still together or were together til’ the day they died!
to DOLLY:
If you believe in God it should ABSOLUTELY determine how you act and define you’re choices. If you believe in God, then you should know He commands us to obey Him.
You can’t just cut out which parts you believe suit the way you’d like them to, sorry. God made you, AND you’re feelings; and for a reason.
Great article. Religion is like a mind virus- always trying to make people think a in certain way; often a way that’s harmful.
Everyone has a religion, a religion is something you believe, you either believe in God (Christianity), or “Allah” (Muslims), or believe you have always existed and you make your own laws (humanists), or that we evolved from monkeys (evolution,) or etc.
The only religion that has any morals is Christianity, think about it. 🙂 Humanists believe that the way you feel at the moment determines how you should act, (I make my own laws, I am my own God,) and yet somehow murderers are prosecuted.. what? They felt like it at the moment.
Evolution believes nature makes the laws, when nature has never spoken to us, and so apparently the laws of nature are “ingrained in us,” leaving the result the same as humanist “morality”.
Muslims believe that everything must be obeyed according to “Allah” who says it’s fine to steal and murder.
And etc. 😀
You’ve taken the linked article out of context, its primary concern is with teens who are taking the pledge and not sticking to it. Purity rings are a PERSONAL CHOICE. So either the teens are just stupid or their parents are enforcing it. The problem is when people wear the rings without deeply understanding what it means. Sure, you can wear the ring and wait until marriage and then rip your wedding dress off and jump your husband’s bones, but unless in that time you are fostering a real relationship that is built on respect, trust, patience and steadfastness, with a mind that is also free from impure thoughts, that pledge was worthless. Purity is neither act nor inaction, but a lifestyle.
Sex is foundational to a marriage, yes, but only when both partners understand each other and what essential need they are fulfilling in it. But that kind of knowledge only comes from outside the physical interaction–how is your communication? do you respect each others’ wishes and needs? can you trust this person with your life? do you connect on a spiritual level? These are the other foundations. It’s easy to ignore these things and bank everything on the physical connection (“As long as the sex is still good we’re okay, right?”), but that’s only a manifestation of the love you share. Think about it, you wouldn’t like to be kissed or caressed by a complete stranger. It’s only because you share a bond that the physical intimacy is meaningful and nurturing to your being.
A purity pledge is therefore on a deeper level a commitment that you’re going to tend to the real needs of the relationship and not take the easy way out.
If you want to know more about the importance of purity and godly relationships, I recommend looking up Danny Silk.
This article is completely ridiculous! You are implying that teens should have sex whenever they want, only if they use a condom? STIs can be passed through any time of sex-oral, vaginal, or anal. Even if you use a condom, read the fine print.
I am fourteen and am getting my purity ring in about a week. I chose to make this commitment to myself, God, and my future partner. No one else. Why should it even matter to you if someone wants to promise their virginity?
Think of having sex like drinking out of a cup of water. Which would you rather have- a cup that has been used multiple times by different people, but ever washed or a brand new cup of water that no one has touched? Hmm? To me, it is a simple choice.
Now, I’m not saying I judge anyone, but, if I have a choice, I’m fine with waiting twentyfive-ish years. I believe that you do not have to wait 30 years to get married. And also, this trial before you get married? That is ridiculous! Sex is a joining of two souls into one, and should only be saved until marriage.
I’m sorry but this is why I stay out of religion you all sound crazy wrong or right you do what is morally right not by the hand of some being that supposedly is real. I don’t know have you seen him O.o ???. And im sorry but last time i checked i ran my life not some being. theres people who say, god or whoever allows you To do things. last time i checked i pick my fate, i pick the way ill end up. If its good or bad. i had a friend say that the new paintball gun i bought was god allowing and enabling me to do that uh!? excuse me im pretty sure god didnt work for me and praying wont pay my damn bills or allow me to do things if im gonna do things im gonna do them. what are You going to say god allows me to wipe my ass when im done taking a shit HELLO PEOPLE, NO!!! .And who cares about this purity ring thing, if you believe in it or not. You do what is right to heart and is right in a humanly way. I have a girlfriend who has a purity ring and I respect her decision in every way. Do I AGREE with it no but do I RESPECT it yes! And that’s what you all need to understand if to people believe they have a connection where they feel the need to have sex then let them. It’s a NATURAL thing if god or whoever didn’t believe in it then it wouldn’t be present huh? Or if two people believe they need to wait and establish trust, and that bond then let them who gives a fuck!!!!! (Excuse my language) but what happens in the end anyway you ALL HAVE SEX! Purity ring or not you all will have sex. It’s natural, it always will be. So end the argument there. We all have opinions so let it be, but one thing to keep in mind, WE ALL HAVE SEX IN THE END. No matter ring or not.