Hi Stephen, I love my boyfriend and we have a good relationship, but there’s something that is increasingly causing problems: He’s an addict. When I met Jack two years ago he was using pot and alcohol, and he doesn’t hold his liquor well. He quit both a year ago and went to drug and alcohol counseling, only because I threatened to leave. For the last six months he’s been popping pain pills daily. I want him to stop. Why won’t he quit? Natalie
As you may know, addiction can be a very complex issue. People abuse drugs and alcohol for many reasons, including hidden yet powerful factors like I mention below that aren’t usually addressed in traditional drug rehab.
Based on the other information you supplied, I can tell you’re a strong woman. Jack is not nearly as strong as you. Your energy is helping him give up his destructive vices. If you or someone like you wasn’t there he wouldn’t be interested in being clean or sober. You are very good for him in many ways.
Based on his birth data, I believe it will be easier for him to kick his addictions for good in 2015. If not, I see big problems within a couple years that might force him to quit, at least temporarily.
However, He’s not going to want to give up all drugs for good until he has a good reason that has to do with him, not you or anyone else. He must want to quit for himself, and he doesn’t yet. It seems to me he’ll need to hit rock bottom before he completely wakes up and realizes how he is damaging himself physically and spiritually.
Once he decides to quit and remains clean and sober, the lost souls with him (who were addicts before their physical bodies died) will leave. Until then, he’s using for quite a few “people,” which makes it even more difficult to quit.
He’s had many lifetimes of addiction, going way back to or before a lifetime in Asia as an opium addict. You were there too, but you could take it or leave it. Again, you were the strong one and he depended upon you.
It’s not surprising you gravitated towards an addict considering your father was one too. They are both teachers for you. They are also mirrors for you for how you were a long, long time ago. You had addiction lifetimes and you finally overcame the demons. This is partly why you are such a strong person. It helped to build your character.
This is not about karma, as in you being punished. You elected, on a soul level, before birth, to help your father and Jack. And you have.
If I were you I’d tell Jack (perhaps again) that he needs to find a good reason, for and within himself, to quit, and that you can’t stick around forever, waiting. He will need to eventually conquer addiction, if not in this life then in a future life. The longer he waits to quit, the harder it will be.
Booze, Drugs, and Spirituality