It’s easy to fall into the “all or nothing” love life trap.
Like gambling and hoping for a big win, people look for that one person with whom they can be happy for the rest of their lives, most often in a traditional marriage or traditional marriage-like relationship. They want it “all” (the ideal relationship) with someone who fits all or most of their requirements, “or nothing.”
Because the “all” traditional marriage relationship ideal requires so much, it’s easy to be too quick to disregard someone who doesn’t appear to fit the bill. After all, according to the rules, once you commit, you’re in it for life.
Here’s the problem: Our empirical findings clearly show that very few relationships are meant to be the ideal that remains mutually satisfying for an entire lifetime. The high divorce, cheating, and unhappy relationship rates reflect this.
Suggestion: Think of “all or nothing” relationships as only one possibility. Instead of asking “Is this ‘The One’?” or “Where is this going?,” allow each relationship or potential match be what it is meant to be.
How do you know what is meant to be?
1) Set aside your love life agenda. It’s fine to know what you want, but focusing on it too much will blind you to reality and a potential better path.
2) Detach from love life expectations. What you want and the reality of the connection may be two completely different things.
3) Be honest with yourself and communicate what you need and want. For example, many people do not fit the traditional marriage mold; according to the cheating statistics, strict, life-long monogamy doesn’t agree with a large percentage of the population. Trying to conform to the demands of a traditional relationship that aren’t compatible with you will only cause stress and heartache later.
4) Pay attention to the signs. When something is not meant to be, it’s usually obvious. Don’t try to force it out of a fear of being alone.
5) Tune into your intuition. You know deep down inside when it’s over, or time for the relationship to transition into something different.
6) Notice the physical attraction. Is it mutual? If not, don’t try to be more than friends, no matter how much you want the relationship to work.
7) Consider how easy it is to be together. If you live 200+ miles apart and can’t easily move to be together, or you’re both young and about to attend different universities or accept jobs in different cities, it’s unlikely the bond is meant to be more than friendship at this time.
8) Consider what your love life timing was like when you met. Consulting with an expert who uses comprehensive numerology and astrology (not horoscopes or other superficial versions of the sciences) can give you a good idea of whether it’s meant to be shorter or longer-term, who owes who karmically, the nature of the bond, and much more.
Many people break up because the relationship wasn’t “all,” so they end up getting “nothing” instead. If you pay attention, you’ll avoid the “all or nothing” love life trap and open up to new love life possibilities.
Copyright © 2014 Stephen Petullo
