As a matchmaker, one of the things I observed is that everyone has beliefs, both true and false, about sex and love. They’re formed by environment, personality, how you feel about yourself, and subconscious memories of the distant past. Sometimes they can work against you and your love life goals.
Below are some common beliefs about sex that can hurt your love life.
“If she’s had more than one or two (or even any!) sex partners I’m not interested.”
Ah yes, because sex “soils” people. People who say this are often hypocrites (do as I say, not as I do). They’re more likely to be sexually repressed and, or selfish, lousy lovers too. Good luck finding someone who’s never had sex, yet who’ll also be a good sex partner.
“I only want to date people 18-25,” says the 50+ year-old man.
Unless he’s prepared to be a sugar daddy, what exactly does he have to offer in exchange? Sometimes these types are taking the lazy way out and trying to recapture youth outside of themselves instead of making the most of their appearance through a strict diet and exercise plan.
“Strict monogamy is the best practice for long term relationships.”
“He should want me and only me. If not, it’s over.”
This is an example of how beliefs about sex do not always coincide with actions. Many people say they want strict, long-term monogamy, but fewer than 50% of people in relationships practice it. How many more fantasize about sex with someone else? Furthermore, it’s unrealistic for anyone to expect their partner to be attracted only to them over a long period, especially if they’re not making an effort to look their best.
“She should be attracted to me for me and not be too concerned about my excess weight.”
In an ideal world, excess weight or otherwise not taking care of yourself shouldn’t matter. But it does. Attraction starts with appearance and you have free will to make the most of yours.
“Safe sex was more important before the current HIV medications were available.”
“I don’t need to practice safe sex with her because we’re in love.”
Sadly, many younger people believe this. Respect yourself and protect yourself.
It’s good to occasionally examine and challenge your love and sex beliefs. How are yours affecting your love and sex life?
Copyright © 2014 Stephen Petullo
photo credit: je@n via photopin cc
[subscribe2]
